Ugandan visa application to visit United States (even when it's denied): $100
Too many books on courtship and intercultural marriage: $70
2nd Ugandan visa application to visit United States (even when it's denied): $100
Four months of Skype credit: $225
Learning patience and trust in ways I never dreamed: Priceless
Ummm...gee whiz. Goodness. Oh my.
That's pretty much the extent of my vocabulary these days. Except to sometimes sputter out, "There's no way!" (about 16 times a day) when I ponder all the challenges Tony and I will face if this works out. And all the challenges God has me facing in just facing whether or not we should face a life together.
Got all that?
Blissfully, Liann and Holly came to visit over my birthday weekend. It was really cool--Liann was here for a day before Holly, they overlapped for a day and a half, then Holly was here for another day, so I got some time with each of them separately as well as together!
Liann noticed within the first day that at least once every hour, she caught me silently shaking my head. I had to own up that it crosses my mind quite regularly, in various ways, how this just can't work out.
Holly, on the other hand, took great joy in noticing that I apparently get all pink in the cheeks and smiley when I chat with Tony on Skype. Embarrassing, I tell you.
How do we reconcile these two different Kathies? Easy--I have been schizophrenic for about 4 months now :)
Turns out I am finally able to admit what people have been telling me for years: I am a perfectionist American workaholic. This does not lend itself easily to "letting go and letting God" as those bumper stickers recommend.
Even though my math is so poopy I can barely add Scrabble scores, I try to make everything in my world fit on a balance sheet. I have discovered something; if everyone did this, no one would EVER get married. The pros never outweigh the cons; the simple never outweighs the complex.
People have been trying to explain to me that this is why when you meet someone special, God often makes your heart go BOING! That He has to smack you with some mystery and knock you off your balance.
Especially if you are like me and try to make sure the math always makes sense in your decisions. And you spend a lot of effort making sure you stay in balance, and in control, and try not to look dumb or foolish, and scramble madly to keep your act together every blessed moment.
Someone this week said to me, "Love is like the new math. It doesn't make any sense, but it works!"
So for the record, I am head over heels for Tony. Devin asked me a couple weeks ago if I was "in love with the guy," (in a very kind, sweet, Devin-y way).
Ummm...yeah :)
I fly to Kenya on May 29 for follow-up work to a project started in January, then on to Uganda June 7-17 to see Tony. And to talk about whether we keep talking as we are, which is quite seriously. And to do some ministry work with him. And to meet his family. And to see if I can even fathom a life in Africa in some pretty restricted circumstances. And to try not to faint when I see again in person this handsome, gracious man who likes to point out to this perfectionist American workaholic that he loves me not for what I can or can't do, but for who I am.
Pondering two cultural changes at once - marriage and Africa: Insane
The one thing that makes this worth pondering - Jesus: Eternal
