Hee hee! She's in!

For those of you who have been waiting years for a peek into that girl's brain, I have good news--Liann has started a blog! Treat yourself to a taste at Patriot to Heaven.

For many reasons, I am thrilled that she has taken this leap. First and foremost, it will spark either jealousy or pity from all the people who love and care about me. You will be either most envious that I lived with such a smart, insightful, honest Jesus freak for 13 years, or you will be swamped with waves of compassion for the time I spent under the same roof with a woman who thinks Pee-Wee Herman and farts are funny, chows frozen burritos and pizza like they are gourmet cooking, and has an honest-to-goodness addiction to her huge red couch from Pottery Barn. Having to put that thing in storage while she lives with her parents was like unhooking an IV.

Seriously, I love the reasons she gives for taking the dive into this netherworld of cyberspace. And, as you all know, I just love her to pieces. Moving away from one another was absolutely like unhooking an IV for both of us. I am glad she misses me and my buddies ;)

Props to you, Mc!

Copycat Kathie

Because I am a follower, here she is:

Dazed and Confused Kathie: the perplexed expression as I try to be still and let God rearrange my view of Him, the backpack for the crazy amount of travel I do and this current feeling of not knowing where I am headed, the teddy bear for my pervasive homesickness, and the red rose because Tony gave me a fabric one when I went to visit, which would have been real if we could have figured out a way to keep it alive across the Atlantic.

At least for the moment, Beth is roasting beets in my oven, Lisa is happily reading, and I am content to let them do the thinking for the weekend. Life is good :)

Kayak Therapy

Dad was trying to be nice.

He called me on Monday from Mammoth Lakes, where my whole family, sans ME, is vacationing. We love it up there. In the summer, Mom and Dad are crazy generous and rent a too-huge condo and let Michael's family and Liann and me, and anyone else we want to bring, come up and just enjoy. We hike, fish, golf, kayak, swim, eat out at nummy-nummy places, play games in the evenings, and just stare at the beauty of that place and enjoy the cool and the rains when they come.

Needless to say, I am super bummed I can't be there this year. I love kayaking and eating. Not at the same time, exactly, but there's a lot of those two activities in Mammoth.

So Dad's phone call Monday was nice. Sorta.

He called to tell me that he was fishing, and Denver and Poncho were seeing how much mud they could stir up along the shallow water of the lake, and Mom was snapping pictures all over the place. Everyone was having a lovely time. He told me it was all so cute, and this way, when I eventually saw the pictures, I would know just when they were taken.

I expressed much joy for them, despite the fact that I was in my office cubicle, looking forward to another meeting. Sigh.

But guess who kayaked that night?! Ha--me! That's right; God sent my friends Kevin and Wendy and their giggly-cute baby girl up from So Cal, to Kevin's parents' stunning home on a private lake, just so they could invite me over for dinner and kayaking and swimming, just so I could feel better!

Okay, maybe they didn't come up just for that. It could be that Kevin and Wendy love Kevin's folks, and that Kevin's family has a long history of outdoor fun, great conversation, and warm hospitality.

Of it could just be me :)

It was wonderful. Delicious dinner, raspberry margaritas, good laughter, a rice cereal-coated baby, ducks and geese, blueberry dessert, coffee that we think was decaf (I slept fine!), and catching up with one another. Kevin's folks were very kind well over a year ago to spend some time with me in Redlands before the move, reassuring me of the joys of living in Southwestern Idaho.

They were right on the mark! And it was a special blessing for me to spend the evening with them again, and a huge treat to get to see Kevin and Wendy and meet Miss Super Cutie. Plus, as Wendy pointed out, there were probably scenes I never imagined when Kevin and I were taking square dancing lessons many years ago--among them being Kevin trying to keep rice cereal inside his baby daughter rather than on her, and the fact that the slightest bit of baby drool sends him clambering for a cloth to wipe it up :) Who knew?

So, I am grateful to God for sending the first wave of intervention--thanks!

Wave #2 happened tonight with my buddy Arnila, and involved the first half of Anne of Green Gables and great talk about the ills of the world. "Great" as in how to cope with the ills and where God is in all things--not "great" as in ills are good.

Wave #3 will hopefully happen in Portland next weekend! Sweet!

Intervention, Anyone?

Ummm, so which one of you is volunteering to fly up here to do an intervention? Boise is beautiful this time of year...

But first you have to deal with me. At any given moment, I could be in complete admiration of God for the past six months and totally at peace, or I could be ready to pitch the biggest, sobbingest temper tantrum on the planet. This evening feels like a temper tantrum night.

Or at least an avoidance evening.

At this very moment, I am flipping channels back and forth between Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader? and My Name is Earl. When I am not scolding the idiot who doesn't know the title of our national anthem or wanting to give $25 to the 5th grader who does, I'm laughin' out loud at Earl's droll narration of his kooky escapades. I'm also feelin' pretty good that I got lucky enough to hit an episode guest-starring John Leguizamo. He fascinates me in a car-accident kind of way.

I have never even seen more than 45 seconds of this show before. People, if this is not a cry for help, I don't know what is.

I am homesick for family in California. I am homesick for Tony. I am tired of being positive. I am tired of being open to listening to God and feeling unanswered, and having this confidence that things have to remain unanswered for a while. Crap.

I am sure this is the part where Beth takes me to task for being a whiner. I think I would just stare at her dazed and steely-eyed and say, "Yeah, I know."

But then she would mother me and feed me pork. This is why I love her.

I do know that everything will be fine, and actually is fine. I have no doubt whatsoever about the Lord being in control and working all things out for His good.

But this hurts!!!!!!!!!!! Geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it's not all Tony stuff. It's lots of things I experienced on the trip, including being face-to-face with people in the deepest poverty I have personally witnessed to date. And feeling more helpless than I ever have in my life.

So obviously I need God to show up in some new ways in my heart. And I know He will. But I am so sad right now.

And this new thing has crept into me--small, very slight in fact, but it's there. It's a twinge of jealousy over people happily together, people kissing on TV, people going home to their families, people getting engaged, people newly married, people singing about love on the radio. I know it sounds crazily impossible, but that has never really been a part of me, at least as an adult. I truly am able to be just genuinely happy for people when they pair up or anything like that. This new little "tweak" in me has cropped up since my return home from Africa.

I am one shallow monkey.

I am gonna go watch Marshall's link to Kermit's Lime in the Coconut. It's like medicine. And goes good with the margarita kick I am on. Even though I have been drinking them with Asian food. See? I'm all twisted around. Pleh.

Seriously, I am grateful to know you people. Thanks for being good ears. And, Risa? It would have to be a wild trip, because clearly 'ritas must be involved :)

All Over the Place

As in, that's where my brain is. Yet, magically, it is also nowhere, and terrifyingly empty. I think I am the most emotionally spent and brain dead I have ever been. I would elaborate, but I think you see the issue at hand--I can't hold two thoughts together in my wee noggin.

So, after putting together a chapel presentation about the Kenya/Uganda trip for work tomorrow, I rewarded myself by searching for stupid things in YouTube--all of the Tiny Toon, Animaniacs, Muppets, and Sesame Street nature. That's right--now you're getting the picture of what my insect-repellent, too-many-airplane-rides, don't-know-what's-next-for-Tony-and-me addled brain can handle.

In honor of Miss Liann, who among many others, has had to do way too much listening to me lately, I present one of her favs--"C is for Cookie". Indeed it is.



Has anyone else always admired how Cookie Monster chows the cookies? Makes me happy somehow.

Okay, I can't think, but I can copy things from notes I made while on the trip. Wanna know what was playing in the Nairobi Airport while I was waiting to fly to Entebbe, Uganda to see Tony? Of course--Linda Ronstadt. Blue Bayou all the way, baby. Followed by John Denver, Kenny Rogers, and Dolly Parton. It was the all-country channel lifting our spirits there in toasty Kenya. And nothing lifts my spirits like Dolly belting out Jolene. Still, nice and benign. I can hack that.

Of course, on the way out of Nairobi, heading home to the States, after saying goodbye to Tony, what was playing in the airport?

Love songs. Nothing but 80's love songs. Just when I need Kenny and The Gambler, I get Phil Collins and Separate Lives. Ouch.

In honor of the love song pain, here is Richard Jeni, doing the oft-Slusser-quoted love song bit. It makes us laugh, but be warned: there are few mild expletives and a bit of rudeness. Not for the kiddies.