It was so awful, I have to post about it right now, this very morning. Liann and Holly will say I have been taking these kind of risks for years, and I totally had it coming. It was horrid. You know that almost-gonna-hurl, workin'-hard-to-keep-the-memory-of-it-at-bay feeling you get, trying to constrict your throat so you don't yark a little?
That is the fallout from my breakfast this morning. Ugh. Beth, someone, anyone, has to tell me what I did wrong. It seemed like something that ought to go together, in a weird kind of chi-chi-la-la sort of way. Even though I made it up as I stared, wet-haired and barely awake, into the refrigerator this morning.
Basically, it was little squares of ham (admittedly, not super top quality brand), cut about a quarter inch thick. They were all warm and nice, and I put a little square of brie on each one, then a slice of hard-boiled egg. On a few of them, I put a little dollop of dijon mustard. Each little stack was the equivalent of about two bites. So I had 12 bites of what I thought would be a nice little breakfast on my plate.
The first bite made me think of caviar--bad caviar. I thought, "I must not be awake quite yet. Wake up, Mouth!" I took another bite. Hmmm. I was appreciating the nice creamy effect of the brie from sitting on the warm ham, but I was starting to rethink that extra little shake of salt I put on top of each slice of hard-boiled egg. I mean, I know the ham was already salty, but you simply cannot eat hard-boiled egg without salt on it. What was I supposed to do? Break a hard and fast law of the universe?
By now I was facing 10 more bites. I figured it had to get better. I couldn't see any reason that these ingredients should not be friends. I tried another one with the dijon mustard, and then another without. They both were just like angry little salt skirmishes in my mouth.
I made myself finish it all and I just sat there, staring at Diane Sawyer and Robin Roberts on Good Morning, America. Maybe there would be a segment on the dangers of making creative little squares of protein for breakfast. I am still baffled. What went wrong?
I bet reading this was just like reading when Beth posts beautiful descriptions of food exploits on her blog, ain't it?
On a happier note, today is Holly's first day teaching at her new job! If you have a moment, say a prayer for her, both of thanks for some really cool stuff that has already happened and for her and her kids as they start the year together. She will be exhausted this week, but she has to post about the coolest thing that happened to her yesterday. If you don't see it in a day or two, bug her!
8 comments:
Oh, Kathie...
I am not one to tell you what you did wrong with your breakfast adventure, because half of the ingredients you listed there are things I do not care for. So, the combination listed really made my stomach churn!
I'm sorry that you are so ill though, and I do hope that you get over it quickly. Having an upset tummy is one of the worst things!
Geez Sluss. Na-ha-ha-has-teee! Well, one thing about physical pain, it can beat emotional pain to death. Sorry and feel better. Also...disgusto.
Hee, hee! Thanks for making me almost wet my pants! That is the most disgusting combination I have ever heard. Next time, just pour the salt directly in your mouth and skip the middle man. Brie, ham, and salt...ugh!
Ham and mustard= good.
Ham and egg= good.
Mustard and egg= good.
As much as I love brie I agree with Marilyn, it didn't hang with that combo. Though who is to say what flies in culinary circles?
My friend Angeline gets me these amazing chocolate bars made by Vosges. I've had their curry and chocolate bar and just this morning she gave me a chocolate and bacon bar. And as strange as those combos sound, they are SOOOOO good I have a hard time giving anyone a bite much less an entire square. Angeline is a very, very, VERY good friend (she also got me some lavender soda- betcha wish she was your friend, huh?).
So if anything goes (like green olives and chocolate kisses or hot rice with Ranch dressing) it could have been that one of your ingredients was a bit off. Might want to sniff that ham when you get home. Oh and deprogram that portion of your brain that says that you must clean your plate of crappy tasting food.
I gotta go eat my bacon bar now.
Okay, well I for one thought it sounded interesting, not as heinous as all these folks seem to think. Well, except for the eggy death that would ensue if I ate your concoction...
I'm with Beth on this one, voting that it was likely that an ingredient had gone off. And that's my peace.
I'ts not my fault
Yes, I'm noted for being creative in the kitchen and have created "things" that even our dog wouldn't eat (the last one was put down for old age not gastroenteritis). But I don't continue to eat arrrrful ickeeee stuff.
Blame her mother and her' "It's only a little of each. You have to try it.".
I thought Beth might school you in this one, as she admirably has. Brie and ham don't play well together. You never see it on fashionable sandwiches. Creamy, soft cheese doesn't stand up against the powerful flavor of ham, 'specially if it's salty. Note that powerful flavors get paired with it: cheddar or swiss, horseradish, mustard, etc.
Knowing you, the ham might have been green and you'd have eaten it, wouldn't you? It is the "I cleaned the plate anyway" aspect of this story that's the most disturbing. Isn't that trite definition of insanity, "Performing the same action repeatedly and expecting different results"?
I suspect that "I cleaned my plate" trait is programmed behavior from Nancy - I remember childhood lectures about "Take as much as you want, but eat everything you take."
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