Evening Cocktail for An Old Lady

2 Tylenol
1 Aleve
1 Ambien
Iced Tea

Mmmm...

Consume this the second evening after helping friends move into a new house. While working at house, point out frequently that you are good at carrying heavy things; God didn't give you much aerobic talent, but He was generous with lots of upper body strength, so why dontcha just hand me that big ol' box, and I'll take this end of the quite heavy dresser. That's right, I am cool, and I even growl when I work, "Grrrrr...ha ha ha...grrrr."

Take 2 Tylenol PM on first night after move. Sleep pretty good. Wake up so that everything is sore. You can't even move your sheet to your nose without a little, "Eee!" escaping your lips, eyebrows shot to the top of your forehead. Spend 40 minutes figuring out how you will get out of bed and showered to get to church. Praise God you are not a door greeter this week. Remember not to tell in a mocking voice anymore the story of your brother push-upping his arms out of commission one night when he was in college. Poor man.

Make it through church, and manage to keep most of your little, "Eeeps!" from escaping. There are many triggers for the tiny noises: neck, back, legs, arms, wrists. Fun for all!

Return to couch for most of day. Ponder things like laundry, but remember; it requires your arms. Alas, so many things do.

Give in and take the evening cocktail. Make note to remember that you are now 38, not 31 and spry. Sleep with a dopey look on your face. Praise God you live alone in such stupid moments as this :)