It Cuts Both Ways

A compliment to me, but maybe not to Kari Jo, my cousin: Someone at the church where I spoke last weekend thought we were sisters, which is a very nice compliment to me; Kari is about 10 years my junior and red-headed and pretty much the cutest and fittest of us four grandkids on the Slusser side. We went to my Uncle Chris's house for lunch after the service and Mommy took a nice picture of us.


A compliment to Uncle Chris (Kari's dad), but maybe not to me: Someone else at the church thought my Uncle Chris, 19 years my senior, was my brother! My mom cracked up when I told her someone had said how nice it was that my brother went to the church; Mom said, "What a nice compliment!"

I said, "Yeah, for Uncle Chris! Hello!"


Sigh. I guess it doesn't matter in the big scheme. Uncle Chris is still my favorite uncle 38 years into the role, and Kari is my only cousin also in the "First-Born Over-Responsible Daughters Club" and has a brother just like mine (Those boys think we are bossy; can you imagine? Whatever!), so I'll keep 'em both :)

Check the Bag!

The next time you make yourself some tasty Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and you do that maneuver where you waggle the bag of cheese mix back and forth from one end of the package to make sure all the cheese dust is at the other end before you open it...

check to see how intact the bag is. It could be that you give it one good wag and the heavy end goes flying, splaying orange cheese granules all over your stove, counter, floor, and you as it completes its giant arc through the air and you stand there with an inch of the bag remaining in your hand.

Guess the kitchen wanted a pre-spring cleaning anyway. Oy.

Snowshoeing!

I got to try snowshoeing for the first time the weekend after New Year's. I went with with Miss Danielle and Miss Karin (her first time, too). Mommy asked me the other day where the pictures were...voilà!

Karin, Kathie, Danielle. (Yes, Karin and Kathie work much better with poles as they snowshoe. Danielle has had years of ballet training; even when she would lose her balance for an instant, watching her regain it was a moment of graceful beauty...sheesh!)

How fun is it to have a friend who has the grace, gentle sweetness, and lithe build of Audrey Hepburn? I told Danielle one day that's who she reminds me of; she got all shy and giggled, just like I bet Audrey would :)

We hiked on Deer Creek Road, off Highway 21, on the way to Idaho City. The snow was a little crunchy by then, but it was such a gorgeous day to be outside!

I had a ball and was actually not too bad at staying vertical. Just to keep it real, though, and in the continuing tradition of all my Idaho outdoor activities to date, I fell on some ice and got a lovely bruise on one knee. It was, however, smaller than the previous two bruises from tubing the Boise River, so whoo hoo!

Gratitude Update

Just in case I wasn't grateful enough for where God let the car conk out...

The mechanic called with an update and an estimate. They checked to see if they could just replace the outer part of the tie rod. Turns out the nut that should have been flush to the wheel was loose, allowing the rod to vibrate, so both the inner and outer threads were completely wiped out, and rusted. The right side tie rod and wheel are nice and tight, fortunately.

After telling Henry the history of the car, he's quite confident that the nut wasn't tightened well after I had new shocks and struts put back in a second time in early 2006 by a place in Redlands (a convenient place near my old office). They were put in a second time because the first time they did it, they used the wrong size struts and stretched my brake lines like violin strings over them. About five days after the work, after a couple trips up and down the hill and around the mountain, my brakes went completely out...blessedly and amazingly in my boss's driveway after a very late night drive home from Ontario Airport. That was car Miracle Number One after the shoddy work; my own mechanic in Lake Arrowhead was furious when he figured out what had happened at this other place down the hill, made it a point to tell me how incredibly fortunate I was, and told me to go confront the other guys and have them redo the work with the right parts. And, specifically, tell them from him, "They're lukcy they're not paying your funeral costs."

After having them fix it, Miracle Number Two happened today, in my mechanic's driveway. And this very kind, diligent mechanic, when he called with the update, said specifically, "I still can't believe this happened where it did, right here. If you had been on the freeway, Kathie, I can't even...I just...I don't even want to tell you."

I can't help but think that not only was I safe, but a passenger each time was safe, and other people on the road weren't hurt by a fast-moving car that suddenly could not steer.

I drove the loaner car home very carefully tonight. It's been a full week of being reminded that human control over our world is a fallacy in so many ways. I can drive slowly and have my car checked and eat my oragnic vegetables and take my vitamins and make my mortgage payment and go to work and get on airplanes that are safer than cars on highways...it's not my story to call. So glad I know the Author personally :) No matter how the story goes, I know His heart is pure love and goodness.

POP! "Danielle, what was that?"

You know how in the movie Cars the automobiles are animated to look all personified and human-like? Oh, Lightning McQueen's headlight stickers are positioned to make him look kinda arrogant; Doc Hudson's grill is twisted to make him look gruff and grumpy.

I am pretty sure there is some moment where Sally, the cute little blue Porsche, defies what cars normally really do and turns her front wheels inward toward one another to give her the appearance of being shy and embarrassed.

Kinda like this:


This is my pigeon-toed little RAV4 this morning. And several people have told me that God must love me, because I am still here.

Before work, I went to pick up Danielle at the auto repair shop near our office. She was dropping her car off for some maintenance, and we had it all arranged so we could arrive back at the office in time for chapel. The guys who own the shop are fantastic, fair, and kind, so when I arrived, Danielle was already inside, and I ran in to say hello. Danielle and I headed out to my car and I backed out of the parking space.

As I started to turn and pull forward, there was a very loud "POP!" I looked at Danielle and said, "Well, that's weird." I tried to drive forward and couldn't. I could back up, kind of bumpy like, but not go forward. We got out of the car and the first thing I saw was the front left tire turned way in to the right...I peeked at my steering wheel, which was NOT turned right; it was set a little left.

Then I walked around to the front and gasped. "Danielle! Something's definitely not right! My car is pigeon-toed!" I ran inside the shop office, cracking up. Henry and Martin looked at me from the shop floor, heads cocked a little. "Guys, something is DEFINITELY not right with my car!"

They came running right out and gasped, too. That would be a broken tie rod on the driver's side, kids. And an immediate pronouncement from both Henry and Martin about how blessed I was to not be trucking down the snowy roads this morning when it decided to break. I was in complete slow motion in the auto repair shop driveway when it happened.

It's fun; all the guys I show the picture to here at work gasp, too. And tell me how lucky I was not to be on the road when it happened.

Henry and Martin immediately offered me a free loaner car they have and made sure I would keep it all weekend since they probably can't get my car done today. Henry even offered to write a note if Danielle and I needed to explain our tardy chapel arrival and Martin cleared the snow off the car and got it all warmed up for us :)

I didn't exactly have cash sitting around for what is not an insignificant repair, but Danielle and I didn't care...we praised God all the way back to work for keeping us safe.

Feeling blessed and loved today? I am!

Things That Appear in Bold Print

Don't you just love when you read something and parts of it leap off the page like they are in bold print, just for you? I read some Brennan Manning last night, and amidst the pleadings in this prayer, there were some that came neon-flashing off the page for me. Maybe there is something for you, too?

Even if not, I share anyway :) Plus, there is something therapeutic about typing things out for yourself...

True Poverty

Jesus, my Brother and Lord, I pray as I write these words for the grace to be truly poor before you, to recognize and accept my weakness and humanness, to forgo the indecent luxury of self-hatred, to celebrate your mercy and trust in your power when I am at my weakest, to rely on your love no matter what I may do, to seek no escapes from my innate poverty, to accept loneliness when it comes instead of seeking substitutes, to live peacefully without clarity or assurance, to stop grandstanding and trying to get attention, to do the truth quietly without display, to let the dishonesties in my life fade away, to belong no more to myself, not to desert my post when I give the appearance of staying at it, to cling to my humanity, to accept the limitations and full responsibility of being a human being--really human and really poor in Christ our Lord.

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD
Lamentations 3:25-26

Waves Over My Heart

New blog skin for where my heart is today and has been for over a week in some sense. Plus, Christmas is put away for now. I can't have Christmas ornaments on my blog in January...

I am getting some new waves over my heart from God. I want some new waves. But the ones that have come lately didn't come cheap. They have come at a dear cost. I can't even enumerate or capture everything yet, and I may not be able or want to, but I feel a need to start somewhere.

Last weekend was one of the most heartbreaking and most beautiful of my life. My Saturday and Sunday were so different from one another in some ways, but God's presence in each day and each moment was so tender and so palpable. Honestly, I just kinda can't get over being amazed by it.

Saturday, at Lara and Marshall's request, I spoke at Timmy's memorial service. I told Lara and Marshall that they hold the distinction of giving me the most difficult honor I have ever had. I am still a little speechless inside at the gift of being able to recollect and share about the darling boy God created in Timmy and the, the...the... see? I can't even find a name for it...the way God's truth and love and grief and honesty and pain and beauty have poured forth out of Timmy's mama and daddy and family and friends.

Sunday, I gave the morning message at a church in Arcadia, sharing about MAF and missions. The congregation there is kind and generous and loving, and there was much laughter and joy. The prayer before the service with the pastor and the choir, including my wonderful Uncle Chris, was filled with laughter and praise. By the time I went to the front to speak, I was speechless. I was overwhelmed by how present and tender and faithful God was in each of these days, so very different from one another. I had to pause before I spoke, and in a choked voice, explain why I was so emotional before even saying, "Good morning". He is in every moment, every tear and every celebration. And He is good in every one. Every single one.

I was so full of awe and joy inside, I almost said, "Can I get an, 'Amen!'?" But I don't think they do that in Presbyterian churches...

This past week and the present one have been filled with reminders of God's sovereignty, which I actually used to balk at more. Somehow, talking about His sovereignty always seemed a poking reminder of my inadequacy and inability to make the right choices and run my own life well. I wanted to run it well and for His honor, for Pete's sake...shouldn't that count for something? I just wanted to run it and not need much help, by golly.

Now, reminders of His sovereignty are deeply comforting, so reassuring. He is the one unchangeable, the one constant. I love it. Our hearts are, my heart is, so fragile. Proverbs 18:10 is in my head:

The name of the LORD is a strong tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.

I need strength. I don't have my own. I don't want my own anymore. I want His, His, His.