Kathie's Third Commandment--yikes

I think I discovered today that at some point in life I made up a third commandment for myself, to follow the two from Jesus in Matthew 22:

³⁶"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" ³⁷Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' ⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Kathie's unwritten, third, often sadly overtaking the other two, commandment:
"Thou shalt not inconvenience ANYONE, EVER. Amen."

Bummer. Just figured out today that this is probably not such a healthy idea. Been living the last 10 years or more pretty laboriously by it, though. And, for the record, I'll just put out there that I live the "mind" part of the first commandment, and since I have no desire to be particularly kind to myself, and am not my own biggest fan, number two probably doesn't get lived out in the way He intends.

As Liann pointed out, that means I am living and breathing a little over 1/3 of the things staked out as most important by the Lord I love. Plus monkeying it up with my own rules. Glad the Lord brought that to light today.

My counselor has me reading Changes That Heal, by Dr. Henry Cloud. I know people have opinions on both sides about Dr. Cloud and about such books, but I'll tell ya, for me at the moment, it's a pretty darn helpful thing to be reading. I have Liann's copy, and let her know today that I am marking the dickens out of it, and I hope she does not mind. Of course, she doesn't, and we actually spent time today comparing her underlines and starred places to mine that are getting added to the pages. Very cool and encouraging to see where she's been, how God has worked, and what He's continuing to do for both of us in this significant season of change at this house under the big oak.

Back to the inconveniencing thing. On the list of things I need to move from my head to my heart, there are many, many, many things I know, have heard, and have read. Thank God for Cloud pointing out plenty of those things just now when I will crash and burn if I don't start to get them. One that seems pretty obvious--"We are literally to draw from the love of God and others to fuel our transformation and fruit bearing."

I read that and realized that I see receiving love from others as nice, enjoyable, and pleasant. I never put it in the realm of "necessary." For me, though, it is "necessary," and my duty as well as my joy, to love others. I love you--absolutely and without doubt. You love me, God loves me--that's handy and lucky. And I'll eek out what I can without bothering you or Him too much.

Gross, I know. But that's the point. I have considered renaming this blog, "The Catalog." It's gonna be, I think, a list of things I am just starting to get, many of which make others say, "duh."

So, since I should be able to function just to care for others, without needing to be refilled (not seriously refilled, anyway), I take it to the extreme of not wanting to "bother" anyone about anything. I am happy to help bear your burdens, and I love you so much, I won't burden you with mine. Aren't I nice?

Reminds me of planning my first support-raising trip in the late summer of 2004. I kept checking with Chris and Rebekah to make sure that my staying with them was not an inconvenience or hassle or headache or bother or burden or hardship or discomfort. And, yes, I think I checked as many times as I have nouns listed there. Chris finally said, "Kathie, the only inconvenience is having to reassure you that you are not inconveniencing us." And he used his serious voice. I almost thew up, 'cause I knew I had been busted. And really, if I think about it, this broken idea in my head of not "burdening" others with anything, including struggles or worries or broken pieces of me, sounds a lot like my junior high and high school "Are you mad at me?" game, just with an adult spin on it. People will like me more if I am not messy and complicated, and can be what they want and need.

Definition of the classic codependent, you say? Ah, yes, I have a touch of it.

How could I miss that I need Him to fuel me, and that I need others in close relationship who can point me toward Him, who know when I am broken and empty, when probably my favorite verse is John 15:5, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

I need to expand my definition of fruit in my own head. My tree is pretty restricted to "task" fruit. Time for some character fruit.

Favorite quote thus far from Changes, p. 41: "The Lord accepts us fully, knowing that we will need time and experience to work out our imperfections. Our failures do not surprise him. If they surprise us, it is only because we have too high an opinion of ourselves."

Pow, right in the kisser!