Man, there is a lot of dross in here. My soul is messy and crowded with things that have no business in there. I want that junk out and I want it out now.
It feels more like, "I want them out," like there's a bunch of hooligans running amok. Little jerks.
"Out, wearying worries and useless tail-chasing! Out, old, worn thinking ruts and circular thought patterns! And I've got a stick I'll use on ya if you come back this way!"
I wish it worked like that. God seems in no hurry to turn things upside down and shake out the garbage all at once. Even if I get fed up with it all at once.
Instead I get practice sessions at being a new creation in Christ. And while I am confident that, in terms of salvation and being seated in the heavenlies, the whole "new creation" thing happened all at once, I believe that in terms of refining me in the flesh I still walk about in, it certainly did not. It appears that I have the opportunity in that sense to be a new creation every day.
Make that every hour.
Okay, every minute.
Maybe even every 3.8 second interval.
So I pray for the grace to continue to show up for practice. I have never been good at practicing anything, really. Flute, piano, softball (never even got the gumption up for tryouts, though I would pine every season to play). I want instant results now; as Liann has noted, I just don't play stuff I can't win, which seems to indicate a liking for minimal exertion on my part.
But I am starting to get the picture that stuff takes practice. And I am sick of the ugly in here, sick of drowning in dross. So practice it is.
In 3.8 second intervals. Over and over and over and over again.
Glad He never gets weary.
2 comments:
"Little jerks." Perfect description. And I love how candid you are right now. It's so good to know that I'm not alone in my staring at my own "uglies"....every 3.8 seconds. Some days I just feel like a dark, bad human being.
BUT the good news is that the fire is on, it's hot, and He's faithful to purge those little jerks. And the fire comes in waves, it won't be hot forever. He knows what we can handle.
Uglies. Mother Theresa dealt with them day after day after weary day.
Uglies. Martin Luther dealt with them day after weary day... until someone ended the struggle.
Uglies. Christ had them follow Him, asking Him, accusing Him.
Uglies. Do we personify them and consider them our struggle? Do we look inwardly to spend precious time solving our own personal uglies?
Perhaps, we choose to acknowledge the uglies as little footholds for the adversary to peer over our wall and whisper,"See. You still have uglies. You are not worthy."
He accuses us to our ear... and before the throne of God, "See she still has uglies."
And Christ Jesus steps before the Father who looking at us only sees Him who took the nails. And God says, "I see no ugliness. I see my beloved."
From one who sees his beloved child.
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