The Ego Dance

That's "ego", not "Eggo". I am not a dancin' waffle. (Please read that in the voice of Donkey.)

There is both a bit of disappointment and joy in some life revelations. One of the more recent ones has been the reminder that we never stop being called to growth and change and further, further, further submission to Christ.

Obviously, I know this, but my ego really wants it the other way.

I want the list of achievements and benchmarks that say, "Well, boy howdy, Slusser sure has nailed that aspect of the Christian walk! Well done, girl! No more testin' on that there life challenge!" (I don't know why my voice suddenly went from Donkey to Stinky Pete, but there you have it.)

I know the life growth pattern is richer and deeper, but it's also harder. Can I tell you how horrifically naturally lazy I am? Oy.

So, that's my true confession to come to the spot where I say there is more joy in this particular revelation than disappointment. It gave me a moment's pause recently to listen to a wonderful speaker at our Family Conference who talked about how God, his heartbeat and dearest love, continues to stretch and grow him.

The speaker is 82.

He gets growing opportunities like his flight home with his 80-year-old wife, winding up sleeping in the Atlanta airport overnight because of flight delays. The airport shut down and there were no hotel rooms to be had.

I gotta tell ya, in my head I was like, "Whoa! Give that guy a break! Seriously? Oh, man!"

But I remember the tenderness with which he told the stories of the innumerable times God touched his heart, kept him safe, and rescued him. And I know I want that more than easy, more than benchmarks, more than an "Atta girl".

So, as I submit today and ask God to provide the things I can't make happen (prayer and financial support are this week's focus) and the things I shouldn't make happen without Him, I want to send my ego packing. Again.

And I will not kick my own backside about having to do it yet again.

Because I will still be doing it when I am 82. Lord willing :)