First Things

First things first--Dr. Skaggs, I have two 500 ml bottles of Stoney Tangawizi sitting in my apartment for you. They made it home intact, in my packed luggage, no less (I couldn't put them in my carry-on since I had a layover in Amsterdam--they confiscate bottles of liquid). I fully expected to open my duffel in Idaho to two bottles of exploded soda. You love me :)

Now the real first thing--thank you to all of you for praying. I can't fathom having taken the trip and survived it--both physically and emotionally--without the prayers. I could type pages and pages, but honestly I am still exhausted to do much except bang out the budget I need to do for work this week, and get myself to California this weekend to see my grandfather who went into hospice care last week. I wish I could pop back to life here like a daisy, but I get my butt kicked when I fly west, and crossing nine time zones is just goofy. Heading east--no problem. West--well, let's just say that when I got home last Monday night, I took a shower, and the next thing I knew, I woke up on my living room floor, and realized I needed to get myself into the bed. Hee, hee :)

I am sure you would all love to hear about the pastors and churches, roads and food, hippos and crocodiles. I do hope to post about all those great things in the days to come. Okay--here is a croc picture from the Nile to hold you over:

That's no telephoto on my camera--just us in a boat on the Nile, and lots of crocs. They open their mouths to warm themselves. Eeeeek! This was actually part of a float of about 40 crocs in one spot.

But I know you really want to know how it went with Tony and me. Most of you got my email about it, but in short, we were faced with both how we feel about each other (oh, love, love, love), and with reality (the demands on the time of an African pastor are beyond anything I have ever seen). We have not completely shut the door on the possibility of a life together for us, but it's terribly hard to imagine things can work in the long run. We are still highly committed to our friendship, praying for one another, and continuing to listen to the Lord for His guidance and care.

I'm okay. Okay, I'm a little depressed. But I am amazed to be loved by someone this wonderful. And I will tell you later about some of the terrific perks, large and small.

In the meantime, here's a picture upon my arrival in Entebbe, the airport about 22 km south of Kampala, right on Lake Victoria:


Here's another at departure from the airport, headed home via Nairobi, Amsterdam, Seattle, and finally, Boise. Man, that's alotta planes :)


And the mosquitoes liked me--a lot. Apparently there aren't too many folks as pasty as me who visit Northern Uganda, and the mosquitoes discovered a new flavor. I think I was the other white meat.

I missed being able to check everyone's blogs! It's been nice to catch up on all of you over the last week. Thanks again for being part of my circle--I am more grateful than you can imagine to know you all as we navigate this unpredictable life.

The Price Thus Far

Ugandan visa application to visit United States (even when it's denied): $100
Too many books on courtship and intercultural marriage: $70
2nd Ugandan visa application to visit United States (even when it's denied): $100
Four months of Skype credit: $225

Learning patience and trust in ways I never dreamed: Priceless

Ummm...gee whiz. Goodness. Oh my.

That's pretty much the extent of my vocabulary these days. Except to sometimes sputter out, "There's no way!" (about 16 times a day) when I ponder all the challenges Tony and I will face if this works out. And all the challenges God has me facing in just facing whether or not we should face a life together.

Got all that?

Blissfully, Liann and Holly came to visit over my birthday weekend. It was really cool--Liann was here for a day before Holly, they overlapped for a day and a half, then Holly was here for another day, so I got some time with each of them separately as well as together!

Liann noticed within the first day that at least once every hour, she caught me silently shaking my head. I had to own up that it crosses my mind quite regularly, in various ways, how this just can't work out.

Holly, on the other hand, took great joy in noticing that I apparently get all pink in the cheeks and smiley when I chat with Tony on Skype. Embarrassing, I tell you.

How do we reconcile these two different Kathies? Easy--I have been schizophrenic for about 4 months now :)

Turns out I am finally able to admit what people have been telling me for years: I am a perfectionist American workaholic. This does not lend itself easily to "letting go and letting God" as those bumper stickers recommend.

Even though my math is so poopy I can barely add Scrabble scores, I try to make everything in my world fit on a balance sheet. I have discovered something; if everyone did this, no one would EVER get married. The pros never outweigh the cons; the simple never outweighs the complex.

People have been trying to explain to me that this is why when you meet someone special, God often makes your heart go BOING! That He has to smack you with some mystery and knock you off your balance.

Especially if you are like me and try to make sure the math always makes sense in your decisions. And you spend a lot of effort making sure you stay in balance, and in control, and try not to look dumb or foolish, and scramble madly to keep your act together every blessed moment.

Someone this week said to me, "Love is like the new math. It doesn't make any sense, but it works!"

So for the record, I am head over heels for Tony. Devin asked me a couple weeks ago if I was "in love with the guy," (in a very kind, sweet, Devin-y way).

Ummm...yeah :)

I fly to Kenya on May 29 for follow-up work to a project started in January, then on to Uganda June 7-17 to see Tony. And to talk about whether we keep talking as we are, which is quite seriously. And to do some ministry work with him. And to meet his family. And to see if I can even fathom a life in Africa in some pretty restricted circumstances. And to try not to faint when I see again in person this handsome, gracious man who likes to point out to this perfectionist American workaholic that he loves me not for what I can or can't do, but for who I am.

Pondering two cultural changes at once - marriage and Africa: Insane

The one thing that makes this worth pondering - Jesus: Eternal

A New Record

This was a first--I have never hit double digits for comments before--14 on the previous post! Hilarious!

And I thought BSG and Tolkien and Wild at Heart got you guys all hot and bothered...

Thank you to everyone for the positive encouragement. And do you know who has actually been the most flex out of all the grown-up crowd? My parents! I guess I shouldn't be shocked, but they have been adorable, and way cool. While they were here in Idaho the week before Easter, we stayed up until 1:00 AM the night before they left, watching Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? There were more than a few chuckles as we watched it again with a whole new perspective!

Marilyn actually made me tear up with her comment, that "he looks like someone who would be good at loving our Kathie." So sweet!

And Chris and Devin, you'll be pleased to know that there are still untold numbers of folk who are hearing after you. This whole thing has been like a 9.5 on Kathie's weird-o-meter, so I am still processing plenty, praying more, and having edges shaved off my character in droves. Couple that with the fact that in Uganda, this whole thing would be a really, really private process until and if there was something official to announce, and Tony and I are trying to live in the give and take of the cultural differences, which means I have been quieter than normal about this. Which all means there are still people finding out here and there.

That said, I am sure you will believe me when I say I honest-to-Pete don't have the emotional energy for a decent blog post, but I wanted to get in here and acknowledge people's wonderful comments and love--thank you!

And please, do pray. The challenges for this to work are overwhelming. In fact, they seem downright impossible at moments--we have insane work schedules, technical communication challenges, half a globe of distance between us, completely opposite backgrounds, and cultural differences to cope with. Yep--feels impossible sometimes.

But in common, we have a God of the Impossible. One "who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," all for His glory if he desires.

So, now it's on record--if this happens, God will have overcome tremendous obstacles for us. There will be no one to give credit to but Him!

And even if it does not turn out as we hope, we know He is good, He is perfect, and He loves us perfectly. And we are both blessed for even having met.

I agree--as everyone said in one way or another, and Devin said specifically, "Yay, God!"

And, yeah--Odin, cute, blah, blah, cutest baby in the world, blah, blah, Skaggs you lucky, lucky man for marrying a beautiful woman which saved your baby's genetic biscuits, blah, blah...there, all better :)

I'm down with Kristin--it' such a shame that sweet baby ain't doted on enough! There must be some agency to report that to...

New Things

I hope Skaggs doesn't mind, but I am going to use his Thanks post as a springboard to sharing some things I want to "put out there", as the purpose of this blog God made me start suggests (and I am not kidding--He made me do it). I am also going to be sly and use it as a segue to talking about something that it would just seem too weird to suddenly drop in here.

But first I have to share this way-too-cute picture of The Baby Viking. I would give credit to Chris's zerbert to making Odin laugh that hard, but in truth the kid is just that ridiculously adorable all the time. His grumpy days are way better than most of my good days! Apparently Beth is fond of hugging him and saying sarcastically, "Oh, it's so sad you have such a surly baby..." Chris and Rebekah have a huge success of genetic commingling on their hands :)

I love when God works in big, wide circles of answered prayer and cool stuff that I could never arrange. I was glancing back tonight at my It's Just a Thought post from last October. There are so many things, like being more vulnerable and asking for help and understanding His unconditional love, that I have spent the last couple years really asking God to help me fathom--things I long to be, do, believe.

So here I am, almost three weeks out from a stunning blessing of a visit to Imladris in Newberg--Kathie was the flat, needy, soul-stretched friend who took shelter at the Skaggs' house. And my post from last October (one of many with a similar theme) is evidence that God had been preparing me for this visit for a long time. And Chris's post from a couple weeks ago evidences that these friends and their home, in answer to their prayers, were indeed used as part of a provision for my needs that began long ago. And, because God is just too stunning and beautiful to be predictable or boring, the visit to their home was a place to safely seek answer to new prayers as well--things I never dreamed I would be pondering.

It's been a busy, long eight months since the move to Idaho. Good, but wearying. My work schedule and travel from last November through mid-February was also just a load of good stuff, but it slammed me. Add into that the fun of Liann and I listing and selling the house in Springs--and an escrow that still has not closed. By the time I got around to writing to the Skaggses in the last days of February about the visit we had been talking about me making since October, I could barely compose a coherent email. I had to stop typing and trying to make decisions about whether to visit, about dates, or how to get there--and beg them to just tell me what to do. Praise God for friends who know when to just boss you! They said come, on these dates, and drive. And don't rush home too soon.

The eight-hour drive to Newberg, including going through the Columbia River Gorge (both directions), was just right. There were things to pray about; listen to the Spirit about; praise the Father, Son, and Spirit for; cry about; be honest about; and toughest for me--to ask for--to admit that there are things I want from God. Things that I have thought for years were shallow and needy and if I were actually mature in Christ I would not care about.

One example: during the Kenya trip, there was a fellow who could not stop taking pictures--of everyone and everything, including me. As we would talk in the evenings after work and dinner, he would load all the pictures and video he had shot onto a flash drive, give me the drive to load the stuff onto my computer, and then wait to see my joy at all the pictures he had taken. And video. And lots of it of me. Ugh. It was hideous. In case I have not mentioned it, my hair got about four times bigger in Kenya, and I felt like a sweaty, pasty blob.

And that's exactly what the pictures looked like to me. Hideous. I kept waiting for one decent picture or snippet of video to make me smile. I felt so selfish, but I wanted at least one picture to not make me feel ugly. The loud thought that came to me was, "You are a troll. It doesn't get much worse than you." And one night I finally actually cried tears in my room and told God, "I'm sorry, but I want to be beautiful! I can't believe it matters, and that I feel like this, but it's true--I want to be beautiful." It felt so pathetic. I had some flashback to parts of Captivating; didn't they say that this is what every woman really wants answered? Do you delight in me? Am I captivating?

Part of the time in Newberg was to talk about spiritual warfare, and Chris deftly pointed out that the thought that came to my brain was almost certainly not mine. It was an accusatory thought, and it came in the second-person--"you are...". I forget that we have an enemy. One who wants me to buy the line that I could never be adored by anyone, least of all God. Not saved, mind you--that's not the tack that works with me. That's solid. But adored--I sink right under the waves, because who would adore me? And what is wrong with me that this is what I want?

So, a series of events starts to unfold after my crying, which it turns out was in process even before the crying and asking. It's a long, great story that leads right back to me finally starting to believe--even celebrate--that God desires me and loves me. And much of what needed to be hashed through happened in Oregon. And it's a crazy web that I could never explain unless you had a few hours next to me on a couch with a cup of coffee, but some of it has to do with a new person in my life. Oh, man...here goes...

I met someone in Kenya. His name is Tony, he is Ugandan, and currently works in Sudan. And I know there are only like ten of you who even read this blog, and about half of you know this news already--but I am putting this out here because I want the other half of you all praying, too!

Tony is pretty introverted and will likely faint if/when he discovers that I put this information on the Web. In all of our cultural differences, though, I suppose it's better that he find out sooner rather than later that I have people in my life that I have known since my age was still a single digit, and that I can't not tell them stuff :) Besides, I know Christina is jumping up and down with glee right now--how could I not give her that gift?!

It's quite the story, but God apparently spent the two weeks in Kenya turning my heart and Tony's upside down--completely unbeknownst to one another. Can I just drop in the reminder here that Kathie has not been in a relationship since 1993? This does not happen everyday. Thus, it took Kathie a good while to even realize what was going on.

And, yes, Tony was the picture/video fellow. And this courtship journey we are in has been unlike anything I have ever experienced and is amazing on multiple levels.

Not the least of which are the deep, good things happening in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. And other things that were surfaced and discussed and prayed for and forgiven and answered and cried over and pondered in Newberg. Because there was a home opened by friends who asked God that they might be used to refuel, refresh and rejuvenate His children.

No, Chris--you are not making too much of my intentions or the time there. It was indeed an arranged appointment with you and Rebekah, but not arranged by me. Our Dad set it up. Thank you for listening to Him, and to me.

Quote I Am Digging this Week

When God asks us to let our seed of destiny be buried in the soil of relationships, it is because humility – recognizing that God is God and we are not – is the only catalyst that can enable our character to germinate properly….

Choosing to trust people, especially those who are different from ourselves, has a lot to do with trusting the One who is managing the path of our lives.

The Ascent of a Leader
Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, Ken McElrath

A Couple of Great Listens

I have one of the coolest bosses in the world. Who else out there has a boss who finds awesome sermons online and all kinds of other cool resources and points them out to his team?

Richard finds treasures, and I listened to two this past week that were great. They are both from John Piper's website, Desiring God, and are messages that were part of the 2006 Desiring God National Conference. I could go on and on about how great I thought these were, particularly the one by Mark Driscoll, but it's a little like buying everyone you know a copy of a book that rocked your world when not everyone you know is in the same place of heart or experience you are. Some will like, some won't, but most will ignore.

But I can at least share. I think some of you would really dig the messages. Download 'em, burn 'em on CDs, and listen in your car if you don't want to plant yourself at the computer to listen. I think you'll be glad you did. If you haven't had some churchin' in a while, this is a great way to get excited again about Jesus, and if you have any sense of humor at all and pay attention in any way to our modern culture, you will laugh often. But be warned--these are not your average, sleepy Sunday, God-make-me-more-comfortable sermons.

And seriously, don't let the titles of the messages scare ya. I almost didn't put them on here, but you'll see them when you get to the link anyway. The titles sound super-lofty, but these are really accessible, especially the Driscoll one. The Baucham one is a little headier, but some of you will eat that up.

Mark Driscoll: The Supremacy of Christ and the Church in a Postmodern World

Voddie Baucham: The Supremacy of Christ and Truth in a Postmodern World

Be blessed and loved. Man, we serve and follow and LOVE the most extraordinary God! Hallelujah!

Arrrgghh, Mateys!

When "Anna and the King" came out several years ago, Beth sent me an email. I have it basically memorized. It said:

I have three words for you: Chow. Yun. Fat.
Run, don't walk, to see this movie.

Liann and I obeyed. And were, of course, wonderfully rewarded with a few hours of big, smiley joy (read: Chow Yun Fat in Thai pants).

In fact, when I bought the DVD of the flick when it came out, I called Beth from the car, as Liann sped east on the 10 Freeway from Ontario Mills toward home so we could watch it anew. I said, "Guess what I have in the car with me? Three words: Chow. Yun. Fat." Elizabeth, in a swell of jealousy, called me a name I shall not post here, may I say.

That's friendship, baby!

So, even though there is only perhaps two seconds of him in here, I am posting the new trailer for "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End." Three words for you: May 25, HURRY!

And why do I have to be in meetings in Grand Rapids opening day, and flying home that night? Crazy, I say!



And on an unrelated topic, do most of us blog better in our jammies or our street clothes? Do we blog better in the daytime or late at night? On or off Ambien?

That last one is just for me :)