New Things

I hope Skaggs doesn't mind, but I am going to use his Thanks post as a springboard to sharing some things I want to "put out there", as the purpose of this blog God made me start suggests (and I am not kidding--He made me do it). I am also going to be sly and use it as a segue to talking about something that it would just seem too weird to suddenly drop in here.

But first I have to share this way-too-cute picture of The Baby Viking. I would give credit to Chris's zerbert to making Odin laugh that hard, but in truth the kid is just that ridiculously adorable all the time. His grumpy days are way better than most of my good days! Apparently Beth is fond of hugging him and saying sarcastically, "Oh, it's so sad you have such a surly baby..." Chris and Rebekah have a huge success of genetic commingling on their hands :)

I love when God works in big, wide circles of answered prayer and cool stuff that I could never arrange. I was glancing back tonight at my It's Just a Thought post from last October. There are so many things, like being more vulnerable and asking for help and understanding His unconditional love, that I have spent the last couple years really asking God to help me fathom--things I long to be, do, believe.

So here I am, almost three weeks out from a stunning blessing of a visit to Imladris in Newberg--Kathie was the flat, needy, soul-stretched friend who took shelter at the Skaggs' house. And my post from last October (one of many with a similar theme) is evidence that God had been preparing me for this visit for a long time. And Chris's post from a couple weeks ago evidences that these friends and their home, in answer to their prayers, were indeed used as part of a provision for my needs that began long ago. And, because God is just too stunning and beautiful to be predictable or boring, the visit to their home was a place to safely seek answer to new prayers as well--things I never dreamed I would be pondering.

It's been a busy, long eight months since the move to Idaho. Good, but wearying. My work schedule and travel from last November through mid-February was also just a load of good stuff, but it slammed me. Add into that the fun of Liann and I listing and selling the house in Springs--and an escrow that still has not closed. By the time I got around to writing to the Skaggses in the last days of February about the visit we had been talking about me making since October, I could barely compose a coherent email. I had to stop typing and trying to make decisions about whether to visit, about dates, or how to get there--and beg them to just tell me what to do. Praise God for friends who know when to just boss you! They said come, on these dates, and drive. And don't rush home too soon.

The eight-hour drive to Newberg, including going through the Columbia River Gorge (both directions), was just right. There were things to pray about; listen to the Spirit about; praise the Father, Son, and Spirit for; cry about; be honest about; and toughest for me--to ask for--to admit that there are things I want from God. Things that I have thought for years were shallow and needy and if I were actually mature in Christ I would not care about.

One example: during the Kenya trip, there was a fellow who could not stop taking pictures--of everyone and everything, including me. As we would talk in the evenings after work and dinner, he would load all the pictures and video he had shot onto a flash drive, give me the drive to load the stuff onto my computer, and then wait to see my joy at all the pictures he had taken. And video. And lots of it of me. Ugh. It was hideous. In case I have not mentioned it, my hair got about four times bigger in Kenya, and I felt like a sweaty, pasty blob.

And that's exactly what the pictures looked like to me. Hideous. I kept waiting for one decent picture or snippet of video to make me smile. I felt so selfish, but I wanted at least one picture to not make me feel ugly. The loud thought that came to me was, "You are a troll. It doesn't get much worse than you." And one night I finally actually cried tears in my room and told God, "I'm sorry, but I want to be beautiful! I can't believe it matters, and that I feel like this, but it's true--I want to be beautiful." It felt so pathetic. I had some flashback to parts of Captivating; didn't they say that this is what every woman really wants answered? Do you delight in me? Am I captivating?

Part of the time in Newberg was to talk about spiritual warfare, and Chris deftly pointed out that the thought that came to my brain was almost certainly not mine. It was an accusatory thought, and it came in the second-person--"you are...". I forget that we have an enemy. One who wants me to buy the line that I could never be adored by anyone, least of all God. Not saved, mind you--that's not the tack that works with me. That's solid. But adored--I sink right under the waves, because who would adore me? And what is wrong with me that this is what I want?

So, a series of events starts to unfold after my crying, which it turns out was in process even before the crying and asking. It's a long, great story that leads right back to me finally starting to believe--even celebrate--that God desires me and loves me. And much of what needed to be hashed through happened in Oregon. And it's a crazy web that I could never explain unless you had a few hours next to me on a couch with a cup of coffee, but some of it has to do with a new person in my life. Oh, man...here goes...

I met someone in Kenya. His name is Tony, he is Ugandan, and currently works in Sudan. And I know there are only like ten of you who even read this blog, and about half of you know this news already--but I am putting this out here because I want the other half of you all praying, too!

Tony is pretty introverted and will likely faint if/when he discovers that I put this information on the Web. In all of our cultural differences, though, I suppose it's better that he find out sooner rather than later that I have people in my life that I have known since my age was still a single digit, and that I can't not tell them stuff :) Besides, I know Christina is jumping up and down with glee right now--how could I not give her that gift?!

It's quite the story, but God apparently spent the two weeks in Kenya turning my heart and Tony's upside down--completely unbeknownst to one another. Can I just drop in the reminder here that Kathie has not been in a relationship since 1993? This does not happen everyday. Thus, it took Kathie a good while to even realize what was going on.

And, yes, Tony was the picture/video fellow. And this courtship journey we are in has been unlike anything I have ever experienced and is amazing on multiple levels.

Not the least of which are the deep, good things happening in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. And other things that were surfaced and discussed and prayed for and forgiven and answered and cried over and pondered in Newberg. Because there was a home opened by friends who asked God that they might be used to refuel, refresh and rejuvenate His children.

No, Chris--you are not making too much of my intentions or the time there. It was indeed an arranged appointment with you and Rebekah, but not arranged by me. Our Dad set it up. Thank you for listening to Him, and to me.