Two-Track Brain

Ever have those moments where your brain is running two tracks, with full sound and images, processing one event two completely different ways at exactly the same time? Like, while you are chewing your favorite treat: "Man, these Ding Dongs are just what the doctor ordered for my attitude, all silvery-foil wrapped and cream-filled just for me!" and "Holy cow, does that box seriously say there are 368 calories in two Ding Dongs? Well, I guess 552 calories are almost down my gullet by now. Probably shouldn't proceed to Ding Dong number four as planned. But, oh, the silvery-foil allure!"

Two even more recent examples:

I was getting ready to present in a lovely church in Turlock weekend before last, and the worship music got me completely choked up, very unexpectedly. I am crying and snarfling my way through, "Jesus Messiah," and two tracks are running in my brain:

• Track 1--"Oh, man, this is so beautiful--Jesus is Messiah, Jesus is my Deliverer. Oh my gosh--You can't be my real Deliverer unless I have something real to be delivered from. Oh, I do, I do! Come deliver me from me! Deliver the people I love from themselves! Deliver us all! You are my all!"
• Track 2--"The pastor is going to introduce me in like two minutes! Yikes--I have to present and talk and I am crying like a baby! Tears, red eyes, makeup, runny nose--help, help, help! No tissue with me--help, help, help! Stop crying, you gotta talk!"

Blissfully, the pastor announced a few minutes of "meet and greet" and I got the chance to at least drag my sleeve across my face and walk for a minute. Maesie came and found me, and I went and got a hug from Sarah, who asked if I was nervous. When the pastor introduced me, I smiled and took the mic, and announced to the congregation, "A friend just asked me if I was nervous about talking with you, and I said no, but that I started crying during worship, and I was thinking I need somewhere for my snot to go. So, yeah, that's me this morning." Nice way to start a share time about your ministry work, eh? I told the story to a supporter later and she cracked up. "Kathie, you are so real!" I hope that's good, 'cause my mom is shakin' her head again after reading this :)

Another two-track moment happened one evening this week at work. It was a little after 7:00 PM and the office is pretty empty then...sometimes just me and the cleaning ladies. I went to grab one last thing off the giant printer-copier-scanner beast before going home and discovered that only the first page of my doc had printed; there was some kind of paper jam. I opened the giant paper drawer that the screen told me to and couldn't see anything messed up in the drawer itself, so I stuck my hand up behind the drawer, inside the machine. I was checking to see if there was scrunched paper hiding there, but since there turned out to be nothing, I bumped whatever little mechanism makes the machine think the drawer is closed and it should grab paper. Well, at least it was the "drawer closed paper grabbing" noise I have heard before when the drawer is shut and the machine is working right. Any guess at my two tracks? It's not hard:

• Track 1--As I am desperately trying to yank my hand out from between the back of the drawer and the innards of the machine, and my hand is a little chubby and my watch is getting stuck, "Oh, dear God, please don't let my hand get mangled. Oh my gosh, please, please, I just gotta get my hand out, please don't let it get pulled up into something. Out, out, out!"
• Track 2--"I will be so humiliated if I get hurt in this thing. Oh, geez, the embarrassment, the mocking, the 'What where you doing with your hand in the machine, Slusser?', the having to explain I was a moron. The Base Ops crew will put out some reminder message to the entire headquarters staff about copy machine safety with a picture of my mangled hand and stupid face on it. God, please don't let me be caught being this stupid! Out, out, out!"

I know you have all wondered how special it is to be me. Well, I have given you a glimpse into the depths. Flee, I say. Flee. Or own up to your own insanity and then we can be friends :)

And a couple unrelated-to-the-above thoughts from today:

• My mom sent me a nice note this week to tell me how pretty my tree picture looks and that she can't wait to see it in person for Thanksgiving. Enjoy the colors in the picture, Mom...this morning, I opened the blinds and found a tree with completely brown leaves and lots and lots of them on the grass around the trunk. Night, night, tree!
• It must also be the end of tomato season, even the green ones. As I sliced the last green tomato I had in the house, I also sliced my finger with my spiffy serrated knife. Ouch! At least the slice is covered in Neosporin and a Hello Kitty bandage from Lisa's care package kit last summer :) Night, night, tomatoes!